This is an open letter to my wife regarding Oliver’s most recent foray into food: prunes.

Dearest wifey,

A great person (OK, my grandma, who is great by the way) once countless times told us that we should eat prunes because they will keep us regular. Well, her wise words appears to be evident with our son as well.

Yes, the prunes you gave him yesterday went through his tiny body like a Fiber One bar through an unsuspecting 32-year-old. Actually, much much quicker. Yes, that paddy I found in his diaper this morning was, well, quite stinky.

The dry-heaving you heard this morning? That was me. I can’t stand the smell — I’ll be completely honest with you. I don’t think I can handle another prune-based diaper mess. So let’s switch to other, less digestible foods. I think he poos enough on his own and doesn’t need that extra something-something. Don’t you agree?

Since we’re on the same page, let’s stick with safe food choices like green beans and bananas. Just say “no” to prunes. … Please.

Love,

Your hubby